State Fair Time!!

We were going to the State Fair. It may have been one of the only things you ever said "Yes" to without any hesistation. Excited. Then scared. I'd end up meeting them. They offered to let me stay but that was way out of the question, a quick introduction would be all I was allowed.

It had happened before. And he disappeared.

It was the fears that you articulated to me - that I might find something in you, in them, that I would find so repulsive I'd have to run away. The only way to prevent that would be to run away first.

I don't know if those fears existed before he came but they do now. And justified. Rightly so. He hurt you. I wish I could tell you why. There is a lot I don't know.

I know I'm not him.

I was hurt so badly years ago. Almost exactly the same date you were. The irony made me curious in our conversation that day on your couch. I still hold some of those fears from that. You. Are not her.

I'm not entirely sure of the punch list that it has taken for me to move forward over my past two years. I still hold fears yes. But I'm forward, here now. Looking ahead, open to calculated risks with someone, and only someone, that I would be proud to be around.

You can't let him hold you back. Still looking for a glance of him in pictures. Dwelling on him. Looking at and for him. His friends. Whatever. His shadow has run deep over your life.

I am not.
Him.