Christmas

You mark my words; one day I'm going to have a family of my own and kids and stuff too I suppose. They will be talented and fun and smart and even if they aren't, I'll try to remember their birthdays and create a place in their life that they want to come around on holidays and all.

**

Two or three families have invited me over for dinner either for Christmas eve or Christmas. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I just can't. Even when I get past the whole charity case last minute, oh Clay doesn't have anywhere elseee to go let's invite him over thing, it feels out of place; rather that I am out of place I guess.

The best allegory I can think of, because that's how I think, is sort of like going through a huge breakup then having to go be in someone's wedding (which I've done ironically) the next day. It's a completely beautiful thing, for them, and I celebrate that. It is also, however, an extreme in your face reminder of what you don't have.

So yeah the last thing I want to do is come to some family home full of presents, Christmas trees, big meals and warmth only to feel like an outsider reminded of where I'm from.

This is my first Christmas not working in the church too so even though it was things sometimes from people I didn't know or from staff parties, all that got sucked away this year too. There were always a few things even if it was some random christmas card or tree ornament trinket.

2009 Card Count = 0
2009 Gift Count = 0
2009 Desserts/Cookies etc Count = 0

It's obviously has nothing to do with material items at all; it's the interaction required to pass those things on. I did call my grandfather this morning. We both made jokes about our arms being tired from opening so many presents. I called my mom this afternoon. They were relaxing after a big lunch, I was afraid if I didn't call she wouldn't call me then I'd get the guilt trip. I mean she was pretty busy entertaining everyone at her house all morning. And I don't even know my dad's phone number but I'm sure he's busy too.