Lurking hard; I think that's a skateboard term

Lots of really great conversations.

Makes you feel cared for; valued.

It's wonderful; seeing God work around you.

There is confusion lurking; like talking to an empty room when you thought you had an audience or finishing a sentence and realizing the call was dropped. It's weird. Unsettling; the feeling of being disposed of.

I'm very tired of getting caught up in filler.

I want to host a Thanksgiving meal. I think I'd be good at it.

I bought 40+ candle lanterns to suspend on a stage at Orange; excited to work on that set design next week.

I love wow.

Smattering of thoughts

So many things.

I know an itemized list doesn't do it justice. Here we go.

-I wonder about being numb to mission. About whether that is a good or bad thing. People, on their first trips, often come back really moved about what they saw or did. I've seen it in others and in myself; not 'moved' so much anymore. It's like I've seen it before. But maybe that's a good thing - it's not a novelty anymore, but now just a deep, integral part of my life system that I cannot do without.

-Along the same lines. I look at my pictures with the kids. I remember my first mission trips - avoiding the locals, the children especially, ha. Now, within hours of being off the plane in the first ten minutes of being in Batey Siete I had become a jungle gym for every snotty nosed, dirty Dominican child. And it didn't even cross my mind to hesitate.  I looked around and people, first-time girls I would see as more maternal/prone to children in the 'real' world, were stand-offish. Pastor Jorge walked beside me that day as I hefted 2 children on my back at the same time to mention that "This child, his father has never done this."

-I'm still in conversations with churches exploring some work options. Matthews church wants me to contract out some design work for them. Orange wants me to do some Advent staging. Christ Church wants me to come jam. Who knows what Bible Church and Kings Park want. And Brookwood (via Bible church pastor sending them my name so they contacted me) just wrote me this email:
---
Clay,

thanks so much. I got it, and will pass this on to our team.

I have looked at a number of resume's and something about you stirs my heart. I'm teaching a conference in Statesville tonight, so I'll call you sometime later today or probably tomorrow.

thanks again,

Bob
 ---

-I like the ocean and the sun.

-People in the DR speak what I would call redneck Spanish. They drop letters all the time (Buen Dia instead of buenas dias) and combine words just because (Como estas becomes Como tu ta?). It was just like the English my family speaks in Texas.


Annnddd now for some e.e cummings:
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows.
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide.
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart....I carry your heart.
I carry it in my heart.

:) Still confused. But alive. Really alive.

Life in the Dominican

Ahhh I wish I could write more but I´m here in an internet cafe that takes forever soooo just a few things about being here in the Dominican Republic:

-Been working these free clinics out in these sort of slum/village/migrant sugar cane worker palces called Bateys the past couple of days, my pharmacxy exp from Kenya and Zambia has paid off to help this operation run alot smoother

-Today poured a concrete floor for this house, MANNN lots of shoveling some heavvvy concrete-o

-i wake up to the sunrise over the ocean in this second story open air place im staying THEN go for a run at 630, its like fat camp but with awesome views

-lots of other great things, i´m paper journaling about and im sure to transfer when i get backkk

-PS-had some incredible potential doors still opening back home with ministry, emails from dif pastors that know im back in town etc, its great!

ok I miss you. thats all. the end.

Island

My life changes minute by minute. No so much 'changes' I guess, but rather just so many things occur; doors open; life.

I had forgotten about this book until I saw it recently. Synopsis is young boy comes home from a field trip and has to recount the day to his mother in a backwards fashion in order to explain the absurdity of the final product: "The day was great until the pigs got on the bus" "Why were there pigs on the bus?!" "Because when the hen house caught on fire they had no where to go" etc etc

Well that's how my life feels. I have this "end result" (though far from any end" but in order to make sense of it I have to back up.

"Yeah so I had a conversation with xx church the other day and now I'm headed to the Dominican for a few weeks" "What? I thought you lived in Charlotte"....

I AM back in Chapel Hill, it's good to be home. At the beginning of all of this I basically had all my eggs in coming back on staff at my old church- but not till the first of the year. Thats what freed me up and started the process of looking to serve abroad for Nov-Dec - because me being here or not wouldn't change that timeline.

Now, however, having only been here a few days, through the connection of knowing most of the pastors and church people in the town I've been invited to engage in some really incredible conversations about some other churches and ministries. Just total, on accident, sort of things where you walk away laughing because God is so incredibly good; but you wish things maybe didn't have to be revealed minute by minute! So odds are I won't be gone quite as long as I had initially anticipated; just to be back here in the thick of things carrying on these wonderful conversations about how to impact this world for the Lord with like-minded people

Such rich conversations I can't fully describe. Some with close friends in ministry. Some with complete strangers. The end result is always an awe for the power of good conversation; a renewed vigor for the thing that God has called and equipped me to do, and confidence and support (from both friends and strangers) in the undeserved talent that the Father has given me.

Ha, I wish i could say 100% exactly what is going to happen on what date, but I can't!

Ok, God, you have my attention. I realize that yourrrr plans are much bigger than mine.

I miss you, already.

MLIA

Synapses firing in full effect:

-Just being back in Chapel Hill; feels great; and more than just being here I'm having all these really incredible doors open...the great thing about doors opening- or cracking maybe? - is that they are always so unexpected. Short of it is that I had the 'beginnings' of another conversation with a very prominent church in the area that is in a lot of transition; looking for a senior minister and a few other positions, so much so that I was asked what my 'ideal' position would be. Going to follow up with that Monday.

-Awesomeee dinner and convo with a close buddy in ministry tonight too. He also talked about trying to bring me on even as a "consultant", ha whatever that means. I love being a student of worship; what that means, how we connect to God, and how the Church touches the world through the context of worship. I love it. He is also just so "accidentally" encouraging talking with him about all these options he remarks that I'm able to do these things because God has talented me so.

-NOW; in light of those conversations; and the immediate opportunities to plug into some churches to feel them out, I ALMOST don't want to leave to work in the Dominican this week. It is an incredible opportunity though and I think I will benefit from time away and helping the people there. Soooo, I think I will plan to continue conversations via email and some phone; more so than I originally thought, and just be open to coming back earlier than I had planned. It's all very good.

I say it's all very good and I just mean that so much from my heart that I see and know God taking care of my life - not in just mediocre ways - but in true abundant fashion. Not that the Lord promises earthly riches or that things will always be "happy" but just to feel that no matter what, he has my back. It's incredible.

The only sad note is that I miss this girl still. It doesn't physically 'hurt' as much anymore to see her words or face but she is still just; there. I miss her. That's all.She was so unique in ridiculus ways and my favorite was the fact that her heart seemed to be in time with the way in which I am called to minister. I never had to apologize about my dreams for ministry or who I was called to be because I could see her there right alongside as an equal.

I love where I live right now, it is such a blessing. One unexpected perk is that I have reconnected with Jay the ex-youth who's family owns the house. It's such a nice house. Jay is a good kid. He was one of my closest kids back in the day; there was a group of about 5 that were the notable favorites, ha. I'm just glad to have a stake in being a part of influencing his life and seeing Christ at work.

Who knows what tomorrow may bring.