I love job interviews

I was in the mall the other day for an unspecified reason. I like public places; airports, malls, city streets, state fairs. I like to think that I can be inconspicuously observant like noticing the placement of pictures on a wall when first walk in a room or what type of door knob you have. What pattern is it worn? Construction grade brass, polished. Naturally, if I get such a Rain Man/Jason Bourne-esque kick out of inanimate object cataloging, public places with their throngs of spectrum people can spiral me into overload.

Briskly walking to my destination store I notice a table with two, mall-hipster 20-30-somethings with that mall employee look. I recognize them by their facade of power and glamour, you know, how they make you feel poor for simply looking at the goods they are peddling. As if to say "If you were cool like me you would already have these jeans." Parading in their latest fashion and fragrance; scoffing at us mortals doomed to live off of, gasp, the line from last season. Then you have to stop and remember this is their sad retail-minimum-wage job and you can hang your head a little higher. But you still feel slightly un-cool. Dang.

So as I fly by at 130 steps per minute with shifty eyes and ears I realize, however, that one is in fact a poser; a not-yet-mall-employee.

I've stumbled upon an interview. A real live interview, right here for all to spectacle.

I tried to imagine what type of questions they might ask. "Are you up to date in the latest techniques of folding?" "How are your mannequin positioning skills?" "List your three greatest strengths." I have no idea. The closest that I have come to such temporary-I-say-I-need-a-job-but really-just-a-paycheck type employment was a brief out of my mind idea to be a night stocker at Target; while in graduate school and with a full-time day job. I still cant justify that masochistic insanity.

However, in the realm of ministry type interviews I am, I'd say, dang good. Maybe some of it is because it is really my passion therefore people are drawn in to that timbre in my voice and I swagger just enough brashness to come across as confident. Sitting in a room in front of a committee where one normally grovels for a job I'm the one pushing back saying "Can you handle me?" Either way, I actually love interviews. Because if I'm good enough I just might get approval.

We have been conditioned to want, no, need things we either have no use for or, worse, already have. The one I have isn't good enough so I need to trade in for a better model when the one in my possession is really all I need (READ: iPhone you played to my emotions).

The reason I'm good at interviews is that I need approval. The reason I can overwork myself is that I need approval. The reason I can spend hours in the gym is that I need approval. The dream for someone to fall for me is that I need approval.

But truth be told, I already have it.

It's the knowing of every hair on my head, every step I would take before I was born, and while I was yet a sinner. Approval that has no need to be traded in for a newer, more complete model.

I'm thankful to be able to see and interpret the nuances of a life I enjoy. Driving on a four lane highway at 3am in Texas recently I almost ran into a donkey. That's right, a real live donkey was just standing in the highway. As I recollected the tale, someone who has heard many of these type of stories from me recanted "I love your life".

I've heard people describe me in many ways over the years; intense, funny, daring. Recently though I've begun to hear through the voice of a close female, um, friend one I hadn't embraced before.

Man.

"Remember you're dealing with a man, not a boy", she was told and it has directly and indirectly reappeared in a number of our conversations. Implications of both approval and fear from my perspective. Can I still have the heart of a child; unfettered and adventurous? Am I assumed to be calloused and weathered? Shouldn't I have more of life figured out by now?

Recalling that I am already approved, I need not clamor to appear anything other than myself. Rather, I can enjoy discovering what this word man means.

Courageous. Sensitive. Provider. Leader. Wise. Champion. Hero. Fearless. Daring. Responsible. Mature. Caring. Protector. Forgiving. Christ-like.

So with that same board room brashness I can say "I'm still learning, but I was made for this stuff". Of course I was. I've already got the approval where it counts that says so. I don't have to claw my way to the top of the man-ladder, trading one image in for another gained through outward acts.

Though I do wonder if that hipster got the job.